The Sights of Bucharest

The Palace of the Parliament (#1 in a collectible series)
This picture doesn't do the sheer scale of this building justice. Its massive, 270m by 240m to be exact. It stands 12 stories tall (86m) with another 92m underground and contains 1,100 rooms. It is also the heaviest building in world, who and how they work that out blows my tiny mind. Its the largest building in Europe, and the second largest administrative in the world after the Pentagon. Its made solely of Romanian materials and is 10% bigger than the Great Pyramid at Giza, wicked cool.

It was intended to be a prestige project. Building starting in 1983 and it was hated as a symbol of decadence (it cost billions to construct) when the Romanian people were suffering food and fuel shortages. It was still unfinished at the time of the revolution and despite talk of dynamiting it and even turning into a casino, construction was finished so it could be used as the parliament for the new democracy. It is the largest parliament building in the world. A guy who works in the administrative side of things at the school, who was actually a conscript in Bucharest during the revolution, told me that they couldn't blow it up, there weren't enough explosives. A lot of historic Bucharest was destroyed to make room for it and Unirii Boulevard that leads upto it.

Now you can wow your friends in the pub.

Christmas Frolics

Last night was the Christmas party, it was weird. Not speaking Romanian I needed Serj to act as translator but at one point I'm sure the proceedings led him to lose the will to live so at these points I was left to wonder what the devil was going on.

Getting there was an adventure in itself, the taxi had a spoiler and racing stripes, and the driver actually shouted at me for doing something as ridiculous as to look for a seatbelt in his car. However, I did arrive in one piece. One of the first people I saw was Leo, this was my second dealing with him where he gave me a glass of whiskey, my first dealing with him was when he gave me money from the finance office to pay my bills so only good things happen when you speak to Leo.

Before carrying on with this bit, its important to point out that you can be confident of seeing certain people in certain areas. For example there is a kid who walks around Unirii with a lamb in his jacket and you give him some money and you can touch it, which supposedly brings good luck. Another group are some native Americans who dance on Unirii. Well the guy who runs the school was there dressed as an American Indian, he had given himself a name like running bear or something. We all had to vote on who we felt was the most enthusiastic member of staff was during the week, he brought up the candidates and made them sing a song in Apache. He then probably introduces them, but not knowing what he was saying it came as a surprise to me, the American Indians come dancing down the room in fully wear and dance for the next fifteen minutes, why people tried to copy. Haven' t these people suffered enough? One of them was Romanian and you do wonder how she fell into this. Why they were dancing another Indian who was just in jeans and a shirt was in the DJ booth shouting the Romanian version of 'Shubba'.

They disappeared as soon as they arrived and then it was time for the teams to vie for the title of most enthusiastic. There was a play about Santa being sent away by Mrs. Clause until he learnt to speak English, but Santa had the last laugh, not only did he learn English but he also met a new women, the sly dog. There was a puppet show, a mock news programme, people enacting cartoon characters (Bogdan's roadrunner being a highlight), the guys from fast track kids sang a song, one group did accent impersonations and then danced in the style of that country, there were more but I can't remember. Ana become convinced we weren't going to win as 'we don't dance around enough', we had gone for the different approach of IF YOU DON'T STOP USING SO MUCH PAPER THE WORLD WILL OVERHEAT AND DIE. The film started with pictures of pretty trees etc and then we ran on and pretended to fight for seats on the stage. After 30 seconds we took our seat and pretended to read a paper before the video voice over starts at which point we look around wondering where it is coming from. Eniko then comes on as an air steward and goes through the routine while the voice over talks about global warming we then all run off. The film then cuts to the foliage planting with 'Big Yellow Taxi' being played (I chose the song so don't knock it). Then we had boards shoved into our hands and one by one we had to prance across the stage holding the damn things, my boards read save resources. With both hands full all I could do was some kind of funky walk, which I will demonstrate when I'm home as it was banging.

We didn't win, but we did come a very respectable third. The group doing all the different nationalities won, I think the girl belly dancing and another doing a full splits is what clinched it. The puppet show was second. I think Ana's hard work has been fully justified. We were pulled on stage and again as it was in Romanian so I didn't know what was going on until we came off and Serj filled me in like Craig David. What I've been led to believe is that we have won a camping trip in the mountains, but I don't have a tent so I'm left to dream.

It then progressed into what was in effect a wedding disco. There was 90's disco, a small scuffle and I preceded to humiliate myself in front of my new employers by attempting to dance in public, the Botswana did not make an appearance however, that would have probably got me deported.

They will be giving me a DVD with pictures and a bit of film and jazz, so hopefully it will be on here soon.

Enthusiasm

I am relying on Serj not to re-tell this story as it may lead to me being beaten up by the lady who employed me.

Its our schools Christmas party on Thursday and unlike Waitrose where we just got drunk and didn't speak to each other, its a big deal here. Every year the staff are divided into teams and a theme is announced, this year it's enthusiasm. I can't think of a theme that I'm less cut out for. So the teams have to prepare something that will prove that it is they who are the most enthusiastic. I don't know if you win anything but some take it very seriously, including our team leader Ana who is also the person that employed me, God bless her! She has compiled a small show (short in length not in ambition or sheer sense of theater) about enthusiasm for environmental protection.

As far as I'm away no one in the group is a particular eco warrior and the amount of paper we get through is pretty staggering. So we turned out in the bitter cold, I even had to cancel lessons to do this, to go to Mr. Bricolage (the Romanian equivalent of B&Q) to buy a tree. Well I say tree, it was meant to be a tree but this is the best we came up with. Its certainly not a tree, a shrub at best, and personally I'm pretty unwilling to declare it as anything more than foliage. It doesn't come up much beyond the ankle. We than had to drive (yes I know) to a group member's flat block to plant the damn thing. Surprisingly and maybe worryingly despite living in an urban flat block she produced a shovel which appears to have had plenty of use. It was filmed and we all (including a pregnant women) had to dig a bit of the hole and look enthusiastic while doing it. Though Addy did most of it with all the aplomb of a mobster. The finished product is underneath, see if you can spot it. It was freezing, people were looking and the whole group were a little bemused. It was a filmed and Addy through techno wizzery is going to edit it with the blue man group (??) and bits of films of stuff that is bad for the environment n' that. Hopefully I will get a copy when he's finished.

While this film is being shown the group members will act out a short scene of being on a plane, so laden with metaphor that Shakespeare himself would be jealous. Then we have to strut around with bits of card with words like 'nurture' written on. Once the final decisions are made I'll know more, though with my acting experience (Inn Keeper number 2, spooky train driver, acting as if I know about grammar) I'm confident of stealing the show.

I have to pack for the flight I'm taking this weekend.... think the foliage balances it out? I won't stop until people in St Albans can go to work in shorts and sip drinks with little umbrellas in.

Busking on the Metro

These kids can pay the bills

New Day New Humilation

Part of being allowed to settle in Romania is passing a medical. So this morning I went on my merry way to a clinic. After a very awkward conversation involving gesturing (as most of my conversations do) with a receptionist I was led up five flights of stairs, desperately out of breath demonstrating how badly I need to see a doctor, and sat down in front of TV showing a documentary entitled 'Big Mama'. Unfortunately it was about a fish.

I went in to speak to a doctor that didn't speak English, which could have been a little dangerous. So a translator who spoke a tiny bit more English was wheeled in and we managed to have some tests. My lungs and heart are fine, thank you for asking. However, my blood pressure is actually too low, so I had the unusual advice from a doctor to go and eat some salt. This was fine other than the indignity of standing with my shirt undone, it was truly macabre.

Then it was off for a psychological test. I had to pick numbers out of a jumble in a time limit, it was harder than I thought and I have no idea how it works but I was declared officially mentally stable! Happy days! She asked me about my families mental health, I said no history but thinking of my dad speaking about St. Johns Ambulance I think I may not have told the whole truth. When she said I was mentally ok I laughed, I couldn't help it, her head snapped forward "Are you surprised by this?!" I had images of people waiting outside to storm in and drag me away.

The true humiliation was yet to come. I went down to the basement to have a blood test. I'm fine with needles and having given blood on a few occasions and its no problem, though for a minute or two I tend to feel light headed, it goes quickly and doesn't bother me. I gave the blood and that was fine, three days for results. I felt a bit light headed, fine thats nothing new, but as the nurse explained how to get my results, she asked if I was ok as I looked pale. I said fine and thought a little throw away comment, I just feel a little light headed. Before I know it, she and the assistant grabbed my legs, pulled me forward so only my head and shoulders were on the chair as they held me up by holding my legs above my head. She started to shout "Breath!" I pathetically whimpered, "I was breathing". They dragged me over to the bed and continued to hold my legs up shouting like it was ER. To make it worse there were two beds and the other patient was a fifty year old nun who walked in and got out while I was laying on my back, she gave me a little smile as she strutted out. Laying on my back with a nun in the room is strange, though whats not strange is the humiliation that can only come with a women looking down on you.

Now Now

Despite being scolded by Alice I will continue to post youtube links, as this is fantastic. Sunday was election day for a new parliament. The results are unclear and there are frantic negotiations to form a coalition government. Tensions are running high

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KBhqzjvSJ2Y

why can't we all just along?

The Big 9-0

Buna bitches. I wish you all a very happy Romania day! Today Romanians celebrate Romania's 90th birthday, the young tykes that they are, as on 1st December 1918, the Romanian lands of Translyvania, Banat, Basarabia and Northern Bucovina were united with the existing Romanian kingdom to form the Romania we know and love today.

It is one of only two (two?!) national holidays so I have enjoyed a day off, though it was marred when I found out that I missed a military parade in the morning. Heres a clip from last years uk.youtube.com/watch?v=mJYVB1a4cm8&feature=related you don't know the meaning of fear until you see the Romanian military. From there you should see a link to a women "booty shaking" in honour of Romania's involvement in World War 2, the wonders of the internet, indeed.

The rest of the day seems to be just putting Romanian flags everywhere, theres hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of the things and I'm wondering where they are stored all year. Romania actually shares its flag with the fine people of Chad, they are the only two countries to have the same flag, that could come in useful in a pub quiz at some point. Though it was Romania's flag first so have that Chad.

Petrescu Update

Recently spotted, pouting like a hussy.

He is currently the manager of league leaders (obviously) FC Unirea. Appropriately known as the Chelsea of Lalomita. Word

"They're making me go to Luton, LUTON!"

Its been a good week. Met up with a guy from sunny shropshire on saturday and he took me took a few bars where English speakers have been known to lurk. I met quite a few people which was good and a bit of a relief. One girl is the most west London person I have ever met but is absolutely lovely. It was a good night and I didn't realize that I was actually quite drunk until I tried to deal with the lift when I got home.

The lessons are going ok, still got a lot of improving to do but I think at least a few people have gained something from them. It was the manager of the schools birthday today. Everyone stood in a line and he came down like the royals do thanking people (I'm not sure for what), I even got two kisses on the cheek, these continentals. He brought in some food and more worryingly a karaoke machine. A guy called Alex monopolized it with some real tunes, including a rather moving rendition of November Rain. They love the classic rock, the IT guy listens to Alice Cooper's classic, poison, all the time (he also describes Robbie Williams as a genius) and in the office theres a cheeky copy of Dio. Eventually the little party subsided and everyone went back to work, except standing in the lobby of the nursery next door, surrounded by toys, Alex kept singing with one women provocatively dancing along for another twenty minutes.

I'm off to read about Charlton and after that I'll probably end up killing myself. much love everyone

Heres how they sell coffee here, its weird:
uk.youtube.com/watch?v=3l62VTsljT4

Obor

I live in the Obor area of Bucharest. Its fair to say its not Paris, but I like it. Its always fairly busy and everything you need is close at hand. Heres a few photos


Quite
well you never know


Theres a huge "shopping centre" (don't call it market) which is a curious mix of market and department store, they seem to sell everything and I'm sure if you asked the right person there isn't much they couldn't get. You can't take photos in there so this is a picture of the less glamorous shopping destination in Obor, the market. Its run down and full of stray dogs, and it serves as a reminder that poverty is still very real.

In a small corner, come rain or shine, men gather together under these little stands to play chess. A small crowd of sometimes vocal support gathers. Some play checkers, but they aren't real men.
This is the political HQ of sector 2. It turns out the political party that gave me stuff are further right than the BNP, and the Americans have them on a list of violent, extremist parties, oh my. Their leader is also the chairman of Steaua, so dinamo it is.

Well now you've seen it, you come visit, yes?

Squatting

Here is the best picture I can get of the room which has become home. Its pretty sparse at the moment but hopefully get some more decoration soon. The door at the end goes to a little balcony room, thing. It has a panoramic view of the car park and another flat block.
This is some new decoration. Its election time and this was given to me by a political party, ooo controversial. They knocked on the door and give me this and a bright green rain mac. Seems a lot of effort when you can't vote. Its pretty so its gone up. The election is fun, Romanian politicians adopt one of several poses on their posters. My favourite is the blazer over the shoulder, in a serious, lets get down to business way.

Anyway, I have no more time to waste, my new red pen and I are of to laugh in the face of peoples best efforts.

Jibberish

Buna, englez and englezoaica! I had my first Romanian lesson today. Its full of ungodly combination of letters, such as frantuzoaica, and more accents than French. It makes your tongue do things that would make a whore blush. I feel bad for the poor girl who teaches me, she speaks as much English as I do Romanian, she has a pretty hopeless task. She teaches via a combination of pictures, hand gestures and sympathetic smiles. I only provoked one outbreak of hysteria, as a I tried to predict what the word for a Turkish man would be. I hit it hard recalling the rules I had been taught so far to come up with an epic sounding noise that vaguely represented a word, it turns out the answer was Turc.

So: Ma numesc Mark. Eu (pronounced yoy?!) sunt din Anglia. Eu sunt student el (?) Roman, lucreza la International house.

That resembles Romanian so it's a start. Also:

bine= alright/ok
multimesc= thank you
verig= please
sigur= sure
care e= which
pa=goodbye to a friend

This has been picked up from watching Seinfeld (which is on all the time) with Romanian subtitles. Hopefully this little visit will have proved educational, you have learnt more than my students. pa!

Disclaimer: There is a good chance that none of the above information is accurate.

Moving in Circles

Today was my first lesson and it feels like forever since I had to think about teaching. I have forgot most but not all of what I learnt at NILE, which is better than expected. It was a one on one lesson which is very weird. It transpires that the student is actually quite a wealthy and powerful man. His firm is one of the largest in Bucharest, their offices are very swish, some poor lady had to run and around and fetch water on my students request. We sat at one of those long conference tables which a view of the opera house. It seems so stupid that I could teach this man anything. Asked him an question about an article he had to read, it was on the theme of great business ideas, and he simply had to say what the idea was. He not only knew this but expanded to include a lot of business jargon, and I sat there like an officer junior knowing this man is cleverer than me, much cleverer than me. It was alright though, he was very nice and it will become easier when I get to know him.

Domestically things are ok. I sunk to a new kitchen low by setting fire to a tea towel which now lives burnt and defeated in a cupboard. Beginning to feel at home in the flat, strange living by myself. If someone had been there they could have told me that I was setting fire to the damn thing. Settling into a commuter life style. Hopefully I will have my own internet later, as Addy the IT guy at school wrangles with the interweb. I hope so, the cafe owner is getting pissy with me, though it means I won't get my daily fix of gangster rap.

Hopefully some fun news sometime soon

proof if ever it was needed that accordion solos are the way forward:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=be7O4m9rOZE

Second First Impressions

Despite having been to Romania before it was still a shock. At the airport someone took my bag. A man ran all over looking for it and when he thought he had it was terrible to tell him the bag he found wasnt mine, he looked quite upset! The taxi driver that had come to meet me was great and despite not knowing what each other was talking about we managed to find the desk where thankfully my bag was waiting. Someone had taken it by mistake.

I was shown around the school briefly, which has everything I could need and the people were lovely, though I can't remember any of their names. Then I was taken to my flat. The area looks like a south London housing estate would if it had been under communist rule for sixty years, but that appears to be normal. The flat is great though. Basic but then so am I so I think ill do well here. Im an internet cafe across the street but I will put up some photos once Im allowed on the buildings internet network, the explanation was well over my head. Strangely I found out today I have no control over my heating at all, when I asked who did, I was told simply - the government. I have already embarrassed myself in my local shop, who when they found out I was English started to call me mummy.

Today the teacher trainer, Serina invited me to lunch with her and another girl named Dodo. I asked why she was called Dodo and all she said was that because she was told she looked like a "fuzzy sun", no I don't understand either. She did tell me that Mark spelt with a K is a very fancy name here, so I may swan around like royalty from now on. Serina showed me around, a clothes shop which resembled a brawl and a fantastic shop which sold hundreds of English books and also CDs and DVDs. Today reminded me of what I liked about Bucharest. Its nicer than it first appears and theres plenty of museums, parks and bars.

...no sign of Dan Peterscu

Greetings

An idea worth doing is an idea worth stealing, so thank you Jemma. I'm sure you have already worked out what the idea behind this blog is. Here you will find, if you are ever inspired to revisit, pictures, stories and maybe even the odd video (fucking yeah) from Bucharest, as I hopefully muddle through. Who knows? Someone might even learn something.

Talking of learning something, heres a video about Romania's towering achievements

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zCf8NWJ8kzA

much love