The Joy Formidable

Hello! I hope this post finds you well.

It has been a busy week. Had some farewell drinks with the summer camp guys. It was a lot of fun and a little strange to play ring of fire with my bosses. What everyone had been waiting for was the final rendition of a song that has been being written for the last few weeks. It was in honour of a Russian woman who was accompanying a group of kids. It was called 'I Would Eat You (If You Were Made of Chips).' It brought a tear to my eye.

I made my regular pilgramage to Cambridge. Thanks to Kelvin and Sophie for letting me sleep on their floor and thanks to Mark for taking some time out of his busy schedule to have a few drinks. I had a really good time. Most of it was spent as any trip should be and sat in a variety of pubs. Sometimes inside, sometimes outside, sometimes by water, sometimes not. Perfect. We had a lovely picnic by the river that couldn't even be ruined by a horde of evil swans. I have said it before and will say it again, I really like Cambridge. It's not even ruined by hordes of bicycles. Hordes have no power.

One of the main things it has done to me has got me thinking about my future, which is always a dangerous pursuit. The thought of doing a masters has been on the back burner somewhere in my the back of mind for a while, but after the rave reviews that master courses got over the week and the exciting news of someone actually getting employed with one has pushed it further it the foreground. I spent a few hours last night doing some research and there are some great ones but the same nagging problems remains. That problem is that I don't have nine grand knocking around. If anyone wants to volunteer some, let me know. There are some other questions. Should I try to find a job before applying? Do I have the ability to do one? Should I got to Korea to teach first where you can make thousands in a year? Any advice would be welcome. I am so easily swayed.

The other exicting news is that my uncle is here. He lives in Cincinatti and only comes over every two years or so. He is currently sleeping in my sister's room and is snoring like he has swallowed a turkey. My great uncle Chris and his wife Maureen are also home from Australia. In their honour the family of Maureen held a bbq in their honour. We were invited down and spend some time with people who really qualify under the loosest possible definition of family. It was a strange afternoon, I was told a few times that it was really nice to see by someone who didn't know my name. Our family huddled together with my sister making observations, my favourite being "she looks like a fish". The real entertainment was provided by my uncle who went around telling people he was gay. He isn't, but it provided some laughs until my mum outed him as straight. Killyjoy.

love love love x

Starkey

I'm sorry. I take it back about Starkey, he's completely lost it. However, my Grandmother's love for him will remain/increase.

love love love x

England Keep My Bones

Its been quite a week hasn't it? Despite what some people claim I don't think many of us saw that coming. Watching the news this week has been awful and yet I have been compelled to watch, read and listen to as much as possible. I confess to having taken a morbid fascination in the whole thing. Dave is on TV now talking tough as I'm writing this. As it has calmed down for now at least, everyone is trying to explain what happened and it all seems so complicated and so simple at the same time. As usual people who have spoken about understanding what happened have been accused of justifying it. As a former history student, though not a very good one, and having spent some time writing essays about and trying to understand some truly horrific people that criticism is obviously ridiculous. Some people have given deep reasons of urban poverty and moral decay while others have said that it all simply about getting a new pair of trainers. I think it's a bit of both. New trainers aren't the problem. The problem is, and I include myself in this, that we at every level of society are too focused on stuff. Stuff we can really do without. Everywhere we see people looking out for themselves. Whether it be "greed is good" bankers or expense fiddling politicians. It's not just them, we have a huge credit card debt in this country and as Bluewater can testify that, even the day after Christmas, will queue and wait however long to get into a shopping centre. We define little girls as shoppers. It's not even just us, as I mentioned in an earier post all the kids at my camp wanted to do in London was shop. No interest in the sights, just shopping. It all started with Mark Duggan, who will probably be forgotten about, but people saw their chance and took stuff they otherwise would never be able to afford. That's my take on things anway. Sorry to get all sociological on you. Feel free to correct me.

The whole thing has left my Mother looking out of the window in case New Ash Green kicks off, so far, so good. My Dad can't believe his luck that he's been off all week and my sister dragged her boyfriend against his will to London today. If she didn't get to see We Will Rock You tonight then New Ash Green may well have been in flames tonight. So different, yet I'm assured we are related. The small remnants of camp had a last minute diversion to Thorpe Park which I'm told they enjoyed. I do worry what the millions of people around the world think when they see it all but I suppose there's nothing that can be done about that. Other countries have riots too. I just hope they all see the people cleaning up too.

Oh dear David Starkey is on TV tieing himself in knots; my grandmother will be cheering him on.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh5ogOH82Aw


love love love x

A Box Full of Sharp Objects

Camp is over! It is completely dominated the last four weeks of my life but it has been completely worth it. Before hand I was unsure what it would involve and whether I would enjoy it. I had heard plenty of horror stories of summer camps that resembled the Lord of the Flies. However, I can honestly say that the whole experience has been fantastic. The organisation was perfect, the kids were great and everyone I worked with were wonderful. I don't want to gush but it has been awesome. Personally, I got some really good feedback about my classes which was a relief because at the end of my observation conversation had shifted to incest. We were talking about royal families you see. Camp was a lot of fun, couldn't have asked for anything more.

The last day culminated in presentations of inventions they had created. My class was in competition against the others and held up well. If one of my two groups don't win its a travesty. One went for a high brow solution to generating electricity in the future while the other went for a flying book carrier thing. Basically both were cardboard boxes with some straws attached but as I said, travesty if they don't win! One little girl from a different class had come up with a hair growth product, she used me as an example, what a bitch.

The real highlight was the kids. Teenagers seem to get a tough press in every country but these kids were intelligent, motivated and a lot of fun. In a month I only had to use the red daddy discipline folder once. A small scuffle due to over tiredness. Rather than just write the account, the supervisor Neil and I managed to make it a much more gripping tale. My favourite lines were "Student A hit boiling point after being sprayed with cold water (that's how angry he was)" and "Student A responded by driving his size 5 Nike basketball shoes into Student B's thigh, connecting twice". I just hope it doesn't have to be used for anything official or it could back fire very quickly. Being teenagers there were some very short lived and intense realtionships. There were dizzy highs and crushing lows often within the space of one afternoon. We all had to dish out realtionship advice, if only they knew how unqualified I am to give them advice on any front but especially that one, and were told we were cramping various kids styles. At one point they were playing truth or dare and one teacher Ancor decided to get a better listen. We lifted him through the window and he hid behind the curtain before being uncovered with a dramatic flourish. He was there long enough to learn some pretty shocking information. My teenage years were a lot quieter, I blame Charlton.

Talking of Chalton. The huge news is of course, the restarting of the football season! Oh yeah, it's back! The sigh of disappointment and the look on my mother's face said it all, it was gone but now it's back. I was lucky enough to be at Charlton's first game today, a rolicking 3-0 win! It was a surreal experience no one really knew how to react. We played really well, and won, easily. All the new signings looked good but Dale Stephens might be the victim of a man crush. He was awesome. The manager and players can feel pleased with themselves but the man who deserves the real credit is my Dad. Literally just as he said "I don't rate Scott Wagstaff", Scott Wagstaff collected the ball, cut inside and slammed the ball past the goal keeper from 25 yards out. You can't buy motivational skills like that. You're welcome Scott.

Other than that I've managed to see some Waitrose guys and the newly employed John, congratulations John! Since I have been basically been solely occupied with camp I haven't been in touch with a lot of people, it's nothing personal. Sorry but you will be hearing from me soon!

Now if you'll excuse me Con Air is on, what a head of hair

love love love x

One Time at English Camp

Long time no post. This is simply due to the sheer amount of time I have spent in camp in the last two weeks. We can't say we weren't warned. I was nervous on the train down for the first day, I had never done a camp before. What if the kids were horrible? What if I had to take part in lots of crappy activities? What if I lose a kid I was supervising? I needn't have worried I have really enjoyed the two weeks so far. It is very time cosuming, the first week was a seven day week and I've done a few 15 and 16 hour days but it has been worth it.

We have class in the morning and the best part from my point of view is that I get to play with an interactive white board. The kids were excited by the novelty for 20 minutes to half an hour, I on the other hand am still absolutely loving it. I can cut and paste things from the internet, I can hide certain things, I CAN ADD A JINGLE! It's been a lot of fun. Class is easy as they are in 50 minute chunks, the kids just want to play games and even if I'm shit they get packed off home in two weeks. The down side has been that I know feel very old. I play some music in the background when they are working and they can choose what they want and I am unfamiliar with most of it. Who is Pitbull? That's a dog isn't it? Iyaz? His ipod is stuck on replay apparently. Feel like my grandad.

The strange new thing for me is all the activites and the day trips. The main one was London. I love London but this visit was terrifying. I had seventeen kids with me, all with short attention spans and easily distracted and that is not ideal when in the middle of a huge city. For example one little Turkish boy turning around and walking away to take a picture of a squirrel and almost giving me a heart attack when I counted up and was missing one. We saw Buckingham Palace (they weren't fussed), the Houses of Parliament (much more impressed), St James Park and the highlight seemed to be the London Eye. We were all getting nagged and prodded to go to Oxford Street and specifically Abercrombie and Fitch. We were told specifically not to go but one girl cracked and when they turned up with Abercrombie bags some serious shit went down. One girl played the Daniel Pouter song 'Bad Day' at me, I got sworn at in German and one French girl told me that she hated me. It then pissed it down and when I thought it couldn't get worse we had to endure the film 'The Holiday' on the coach home. I think it is sad that the one thing they really want to do in London is shop but once again I sound like my Grandad. Shopping is a big part of this trip, these kids are loaded.

Other activites have included a lot of football, badminton, arts and crafts, casino night, volleyball, the cinema and something truly ominous entitled Mr and Mrs Canterbury. It involved covering heads in shaving foam and throwing wotsits so they stuck to their head. Mainly I walk around just making sure they aren't getting into much mischief. At night it is pretty dull and the main thing is just to ensure TV watching is appropriate, girls and in boys room and vice versa and arbitrate games of Jenga. Strangely it is smiley Simon is the good cop where as I am normally shattered by this time which means my attitude is bad cop. I AM THE LAW.

The setting is beautiful, a very expensive private school called Kings. I've been looking at the photographs and it gives you an idea of who goes to this place. My favourite is the hilarious joker who is pulling up his trouser legs to reveal that he is wearing odd socks!! Odd socks!!

Otherwise it's all gone wedding crazy. We are starting to get plans together for Matt's wedding, John is now the sad spinster of the Whittaker family as his little sister has just got married. My parents are at one this weekend and there are more in the pipeline. Too close to being an adult for me. I have managed to catch up with people in the few odd moments off which has been great and once its all over I'll have the money to get around and see people. Sorry for lack of contact. As I said, it's been busy this is the first day I've got a whole of cricket watching in.

love love love x

I Luv I Jah

No post for a while and not even really today as since camp has started life has become

work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep etc etc

Of course there are train journeys inbetween these things. On Wednesday night we had a drunk shouting at some Aussie back packers who had been minding their own business about them wanting to come over and convert us all to Republicanism, he seemed to think Australia was a republic. Yesterday we had a truly nasty bloke screaming some really filthy abuse at his girlfriend and today there was even a tragic accident. I dread to think what will happen tomorrow. Talking of tomorrow I'm up in a few hours so I'll post properly when I don't feel the overwhelming urge to sleep.

Camp itself is awesome though but thats for another day

love love love x

Scary Kids Scaring Kids

Home! Hurrah! It's been really good so far. Not that I have done very much but then that has been what is so nice.

The last few weeks of school are normally quiet, followed by a mad rush in the last few days to mark exams, write reports and complete all the fucking paperwork. After exams students basically stop coming for the last two weeks which means you spend a lot of time sitting in an empty room or even worse if just one comes and you have an awkward conversation for twenty minutes before they make an excuse and leave. Then comes the form. At the start of the year we get giving all the textbooks we need and an mp3 player and speakers to do listening exercises in business classes and other delights. At the end of the year you have to give them back and get each item signed off before you get paid. Oh. I straggle around looking for myself I am able to give back my advanced text book minus its back cover, the speakers without mentioning that the left one doesn't work and CDs so scratched Molly from Dublin from exercise 2 sounds like a mouse. Then comes the lying on the register, putting those lies into the computer for the last month so it looks like its done for the entire year and when asked answering yes of course I have cleaned out my locker. Add 200 teachers doing the same and its a headache. You have to get it signed (some are much more willing to sign than others) so you can pick up your last pay cheque. You have to do it in person and take to the bank. My bank and I have a hate hate relationship. I managed to catch them in one of their five minute windows of actually being open. I took my cheque and my card, filled in their slip and strutted over beaming with pride to pay in my cheque. She took the cheque, pressed some buttons and then the computer said no. I don't have my official NIE document. I had it one ten other official government documents and three from the banks themselves, she can see it matches on her screen but no. She phoned a mysterious man known only as Jose Luis who apparently said yes, but I needed my passport. I had to run home to collect it, home was 15 minutes away and the bank closed in 35 minutes to it was going to be tight but we managed, she even gave me a sweet to celebrate. I need that money to, you know, live this summer so it was stressful.

All this was a few hours before my flight and the flight got a little exciting. A man was forcibly removed from the flight. He didn't want to get off but a camp steward known as 'Mike' (if that is in fact his real name) threw him off. People were a little shaken. He was in the row behind me and three rows in each direction were security searched. They wanted to know where my luggage was, they pulled up my seat, they apologized constantly, it wasn't very Die Hard. It turns out the guys passport got wet and the picture was unclear. As I said, not very Die Hard.

The biggest part of the last few weeks however is saying goodbye. I have been lucky to meet some truly wonderful people and at the end of the year we spread and scatter. I don't think anyone in Madrid reads this, mind you I'm not sure if anyone reads this, but I would like to wish them all the luck in the world and I look forward to seeing them again, somewhere, sometime.

Home has been good. Had a nice birthday with my family, even managed to see my sister, anything longer than 2o minutes is asking a lot. A group of us have dedicated this summer as "The Summer of Spanish". I've got the time and damn it I'm going to study. I'm typing and learning verb conjugations with the aid of pretty colours on the computer. I'm listening to a really patronising podcast and I'm looking up all those words I have meant to but never did. So far mixed results. Because I was thinking about it I said gracias to the guy in the newsagent who looked at me as if I was the most pretentious twat he had ever come across. The other thing is rejoining battle with my old nemesis, the verb llevar. Llevar depending on the context can mean:

- to carry
- to have something on one's person
- to take
- to move something somewhere
- to cope with or tolerate something
- to transport
- to wear
- to include an ingredient
- to lead to
- to drive
- to direct/run/lead a business or organisation
- to bear a name
- to keep account
- to last a certain amount of time
- to charge (money)
- to take away (food)
- to get along with someone
- to win or recieve something

Fuck.

Plans are being made which is great I even got rained on today which after the weeks of 40 degrees was incredible. Dad and my sisters boyfriend are passive aggressive with each other, my Mum is appalled by my choice of footwear and the tabloids are being unspeakable cunts. It's like I've never been away.

I hope to see you soon!

love love love x