We'll begin on Wednesday where Hannah suffered my company for longer than is considered medically healthy. We went to Laanndddann tawwwnn.
I was quickly informed without her needing to say anything that the British History Museum and the Imperial War Museum were not options so we started in Camden.
Our intrepid tourist Hannah had her first visit brush with the monarchy with our visit to Buckingham Palace. Viewing the palace in the sun with the guards outside is enough to raise interest levels from absolute zero coupled with scorn to just cold indifference. Though the legions of tourists seemed to enjoy it. Liz and Phil were alas not in, probably out pretending to be the head of a huge empire rather than a small island. Liz was probably shooting small animals or down the horse track (I reckon she has a problem) and Phil was probably insulting a proud and ancient people and their culture.
It was swelteringly hot and the walk to the south bank from the palace nearly destroyed me. I have no idea how the tourists manage it. However I did witness this:
A sign for our humble village in the very centre of London. New Ash Green has made it! Consider the doubters silenced.
After this mini and pointless burst of excitement, we visited the Tate modern. It was completely over my head. I was relying on Hannah and her A level in art to explain to me what a rope on the floor tells me about the universe, the human condition or my life but I am a philistine so I suppose it was always a losing battle. My favorite things were both videos. One of a naked man punching himself in the head while a naked woman next to him put plaster all over her chest while she waved a dildo with gay abandon. The other video was of a naked man sitting next to a naked woman on a sofa while passing a big white orb to each other. Deep. Keep your paintings, sculptures and prints give me nudity, sex toys and orbs, I know what I like.
After a quick whisk around Harrods which made me feel like scum we met our resident wanky Londoner Alex. He decided that I'm a bisexual and I got him to agree to come with me to Leyton for an epic London derby on a Tuesday night, thats football glamour. He has since wimped out.
Here is something to pass the time
www.miniclip.com/games/extreme-pamplona/en/
I wonder how much Pamplona tat on the internet can be reposted here?
love love love x
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