The Year Before the Year 2000

I had a very strange incident yesterday morning. In class I was chatting to a student about San Fermin who is the patron saint of Pamplona. That led us on to patron saints generally. He asked who the patron saint of England is. I told him St. George and he asked what we do to celebrate. I joked that no one in England even remembers that it's St Georges day or won't notice until half way through the afternoon. He asked me what day it was on I told him the 23rd of April. He looked at me like I had just slapped him in the face and pointed out that it it was the 23rd April. It was a more embarassing way to prove my point than I would have liked but it worked nonetheless. If any patriots are reading, don't cry about it, I defended England later against charges of being anti-Estonian.

The visit to the doctor, blood test results pending, was a success! Its an unusual experience carrying a test tube of piss in your inside pocket on a bus. The girl next to me had no idea! The fool! I find myself to be competitive with the doctor. I saw the eye test as a challenge, she laid it down, she said my eyes may not be upto scratch. Wrong! I had trouble remember how to say some of the lesser used letters and I still nailed it, jumping from the table punching the air and shouting "av it!" I was a little surprised though as I do spend 90 percent of my life looking at screens.

I made my first appearance on a karaoke stage for a good while. I blew the room away with a happy-go-lucky yet powerful rendition of "She Loves You". On Saturday I played some poker. I say some, I mean EIGHT HOURS of poker. With the exception of sleeping I have never done anything for eight hours. Four in the morning, falling asleep at the table, being shouted out by a drunk wide boy, it was quite an evening. We pushed through and I only came out 5 euros down which was better than expected. I had one massive win early, quadropling my pot but that was it, for the rest of the evening it just went down and down. As Emmet said "This is poker, you didn't come here for fun did you?" Like football, it's deadly serious. The week has been so busy, mainly due to my own laziness but I'm glad I made it to the end in one piece.

Just before I go, I need to get something off my chest.

FUCK YOU ICELAND.
FUCK YOU.

I have had enough of that floating rock. Alex and Andrew are supposed to be here right now, but Iceland and it's spewing volcanic mess has put pay to that. Magnus Magnesun was rubbish on Mastermind, Bjork can't sing and their frozen food is terrible. It's on Iceland.

I need to sit down and think long and hard about what I'm going to do next year, if anyone wants to make a decision for me get in touch.

love love love x

Piss and Vinegar

This little plastic cup and tube have been occupying my mind of late. It turns out as part of my contract I have a routine medical exam which will include peeing into this cup. However, that is the problem. It is literally just a plastic cup with a very small plastic tube in it. Do you pee in the lidless cup or, with no ego here, the really very small tube? Mysteries abound. Who thought pissing in a cup could be difficult? I was expecting something a little more medical. It was also surprising to know the school keep a very large stock of them in the office. I'm going for the tube but it could prove to be difficult. After my last so called routine medical check up in a foreign country it's only going to end in tears.

This week has been really good but I don't know why. School replaced my cancelled classes with two hours of six year olds who speak literally no English other than a list of unrealted words: car, kitchen, pineapple, kitty. The class is also in Pamplona's huge priest training building which is huge, cold and I'm not joking literally every surface has a crucifix built in somehow. To give you an idea here is what the outside looks like



I was dreading it but it was a really nice class. We played bingo and did some cutting and even dabbled in some sticking. I was also presented with a daisy chain and a paper cut of what is either a fish or a bow tie, but either way it was a lovely thought. If my class of eight year olds is anything to go by children get attitude somewhere in the seventh year of their life.

My other classes have been good too. I have learnt a lot about electricity thanks to preparing a class for an engineer, its amazing. I blew my teenagers minds by demonstrating that if you mix the English flag with the Scottish flag you get a Union Jack. One of them also asked me where I'm from and after being told Kent proclaimed, "Where? C*nt?" No Mariana, it makes me a c*nt.

I didn't get to see the leaders debate as registered voters abroad aren't allowed to watch it. I sat on Facebook refreshing following what people were saying via status updates. It seemed quite exciting and above expectations. Who'd have thought it Nick Clegg? Have to say I'm pleased. If only my constituency wasn't already decided.

I have to go and spend some more time trying to unlock the secrets of the paper cup.

love love love x

Plastic Cup Politics

Have you come down with a nasty case of election fever yet? If you have stop poking it, it will only make it worse. Who the devil will it be? I know I just can't wait. I've tried to wade through the murky waters of 76 pages of Labour Manifesto but I confess to giving up and reading the 'At a Glance' section on the Guardian. I'm now wondering whether three at a glance sections are enough to base my decision on but then I remember in my constituency I have already lost. MMM democracy.

I really enjoyed my week at home, it's got me looking forward to summer, let's make plans! We were treated to an inside look into Hannah's hair cut in a house that most definatly does not belong John despite his best attempts to steal it from under his younger sister's nose. I'm watching you John.

Since returning I have met another set of parents, always the bridesmaid, always the bridesmaid. Saturday was a big day. Started with a civilized lunch and got progessively less civilized. Excitingly we did venture to a new part of Pamplona for me, Ituramma, it was alright. Sunday returned to civility as Lukash and Felicity prepared a lovely picnic. It was like Famous Five but without the racism.

Monday was back to teaching which was much better than expected. My first class descended into a student demonstrating how a Navarrese man approached a women in a trendy night spot. It turns out I've been much more integrated than I thought as it matches my tactics perfectly. It involves standing next to the women in silence, looking at the floor. Easy now.

It got even better as my teenagers are at some sort of camp. I dread to think which kind of camp, some sort of survivalist jungle training camp. It was a surprise to go into the school and find it deserted. Raquel and myself couldn't believe our luck. When I left I was half expecting to find a gang of children hiding around the corner.

I'm off to try and sort out my life (school bag). Did not put this in the brochure. Anyway you need to get back to watching News 24, I wonder what Nick Clegg has to say about interest rates. You love it.

love love love x

Jesus Walks

Happy Easter everybody! I hope you are swaddled with gooey, artery clogging chocolate, I know I am.

It's good to be back home. The journey was very easy. A four year old French girl took pity on me sitting by myself and befriended me. She showed me all of our school books and passport photos much to her mothers annoyance. She could speak French, English and Spanish, fancy dan, thinks she's so great.

I've been to the hospital and have been given a clean bill of health. Another occasion to be poked and prodded and even at point, rubbed. It was at my mums hospital, it was strange going through the ward and seeing mums name up on the board. It didn't take long and now I don't have to worry anymore.

Since then I've mainly been in pubs. I can confirm that everyone is alive and well, while still awaiting confirmation on a few I am confident that they too will be A-ok.

Talking of alive and well, Charlton's promotion chances, zing! Went to the home of football on Monday to see a routine 1-0 win over the biggest team in Carlisle, Carlisle United. It's going to be a very close end to the season and if it goes to the play offs you may witness me degenerate into a babbling, nervous wreck, completely incapable of thought beyond analysis of who would be tougher Swindon or Millwall.

Returning to Spain on Friday. I'm actually looking a little forward to the end now. Before leaving we changed tact with the DVD to show Labyrinth instead. The kids enjoyed it more than they were cool enough to admit. The best thing though was the joy and wonder on Raquel, Ana and Mauros faces. Their eyes wide, breath held and the excitement growing. Turns out Labyrinth didn't make it to Spain, Poland or Italy, my favourite bit was Ana proclaiming "he looks just like David Bowie". When I get back it's time to make some big decisions about the summer and beyond. Jeepers.

A short video of Easter in Bilbao before I depart. These processions are very common in Spain, different coloured hoods for different areas and groups. The hoods are to represent repentence and are a lot older than the Ku Klux Klan. Despite that they do look really sinister.



love love love x