The Sights of Bucharest

The Palace of the Parliament (#1 in a collectible series)
This picture doesn't do the sheer scale of this building justice. Its massive, 270m by 240m to be exact. It stands 12 stories tall (86m) with another 92m underground and contains 1,100 rooms. It is also the heaviest building in world, who and how they work that out blows my tiny mind. Its the largest building in Europe, and the second largest administrative in the world after the Pentagon. Its made solely of Romanian materials and is 10% bigger than the Great Pyramid at Giza, wicked cool.

It was intended to be a prestige project. Building starting in 1983 and it was hated as a symbol of decadence (it cost billions to construct) when the Romanian people were suffering food and fuel shortages. It was still unfinished at the time of the revolution and despite talk of dynamiting it and even turning into a casino, construction was finished so it could be used as the parliament for the new democracy. It is the largest parliament building in the world. A guy who works in the administrative side of things at the school, who was actually a conscript in Bucharest during the revolution, told me that they couldn't blow it up, there weren't enough explosives. A lot of historic Bucharest was destroyed to make room for it and Unirii Boulevard that leads upto it.

Now you can wow your friends in the pub.

Christmas Frolics

Last night was the Christmas party, it was weird. Not speaking Romanian I needed Serj to act as translator but at one point I'm sure the proceedings led him to lose the will to live so at these points I was left to wonder what the devil was going on.

Getting there was an adventure in itself, the taxi had a spoiler and racing stripes, and the driver actually shouted at me for doing something as ridiculous as to look for a seatbelt in his car. However, I did arrive in one piece. One of the first people I saw was Leo, this was my second dealing with him where he gave me a glass of whiskey, my first dealing with him was when he gave me money from the finance office to pay my bills so only good things happen when you speak to Leo.

Before carrying on with this bit, its important to point out that you can be confident of seeing certain people in certain areas. For example there is a kid who walks around Unirii with a lamb in his jacket and you give him some money and you can touch it, which supposedly brings good luck. Another group are some native Americans who dance on Unirii. Well the guy who runs the school was there dressed as an American Indian, he had given himself a name like running bear or something. We all had to vote on who we felt was the most enthusiastic member of staff was during the week, he brought up the candidates and made them sing a song in Apache. He then probably introduces them, but not knowing what he was saying it came as a surprise to me, the American Indians come dancing down the room in fully wear and dance for the next fifteen minutes, why people tried to copy. Haven' t these people suffered enough? One of them was Romanian and you do wonder how she fell into this. Why they were dancing another Indian who was just in jeans and a shirt was in the DJ booth shouting the Romanian version of 'Shubba'.

They disappeared as soon as they arrived and then it was time for the teams to vie for the title of most enthusiastic. There was a play about Santa being sent away by Mrs. Clause until he learnt to speak English, but Santa had the last laugh, not only did he learn English but he also met a new women, the sly dog. There was a puppet show, a mock news programme, people enacting cartoon characters (Bogdan's roadrunner being a highlight), the guys from fast track kids sang a song, one group did accent impersonations and then danced in the style of that country, there were more but I can't remember. Ana become convinced we weren't going to win as 'we don't dance around enough', we had gone for the different approach of IF YOU DON'T STOP USING SO MUCH PAPER THE WORLD WILL OVERHEAT AND DIE. The film started with pictures of pretty trees etc and then we ran on and pretended to fight for seats on the stage. After 30 seconds we took our seat and pretended to read a paper before the video voice over starts at which point we look around wondering where it is coming from. Eniko then comes on as an air steward and goes through the routine while the voice over talks about global warming we then all run off. The film then cuts to the foliage planting with 'Big Yellow Taxi' being played (I chose the song so don't knock it). Then we had boards shoved into our hands and one by one we had to prance across the stage holding the damn things, my boards read save resources. With both hands full all I could do was some kind of funky walk, which I will demonstrate when I'm home as it was banging.

We didn't win, but we did come a very respectable third. The group doing all the different nationalities won, I think the girl belly dancing and another doing a full splits is what clinched it. The puppet show was second. I think Ana's hard work has been fully justified. We were pulled on stage and again as it was in Romanian so I didn't know what was going on until we came off and Serj filled me in like Craig David. What I've been led to believe is that we have won a camping trip in the mountains, but I don't have a tent so I'm left to dream.

It then progressed into what was in effect a wedding disco. There was 90's disco, a small scuffle and I preceded to humiliate myself in front of my new employers by attempting to dance in public, the Botswana did not make an appearance however, that would have probably got me deported.

They will be giving me a DVD with pictures and a bit of film and jazz, so hopefully it will be on here soon.

Enthusiasm

I am relying on Serj not to re-tell this story as it may lead to me being beaten up by the lady who employed me.

Its our schools Christmas party on Thursday and unlike Waitrose where we just got drunk and didn't speak to each other, its a big deal here. Every year the staff are divided into teams and a theme is announced, this year it's enthusiasm. I can't think of a theme that I'm less cut out for. So the teams have to prepare something that will prove that it is they who are the most enthusiastic. I don't know if you win anything but some take it very seriously, including our team leader Ana who is also the person that employed me, God bless her! She has compiled a small show (short in length not in ambition or sheer sense of theater) about enthusiasm for environmental protection.

As far as I'm away no one in the group is a particular eco warrior and the amount of paper we get through is pretty staggering. So we turned out in the bitter cold, I even had to cancel lessons to do this, to go to Mr. Bricolage (the Romanian equivalent of B&Q) to buy a tree. Well I say tree, it was meant to be a tree but this is the best we came up with. Its certainly not a tree, a shrub at best, and personally I'm pretty unwilling to declare it as anything more than foliage. It doesn't come up much beyond the ankle. We than had to drive (yes I know) to a group member's flat block to plant the damn thing. Surprisingly and maybe worryingly despite living in an urban flat block she produced a shovel which appears to have had plenty of use. It was filmed and we all (including a pregnant women) had to dig a bit of the hole and look enthusiastic while doing it. Though Addy did most of it with all the aplomb of a mobster. The finished product is underneath, see if you can spot it. It was freezing, people were looking and the whole group were a little bemused. It was a filmed and Addy through techno wizzery is going to edit it with the blue man group (??) and bits of films of stuff that is bad for the environment n' that. Hopefully I will get a copy when he's finished.

While this film is being shown the group members will act out a short scene of being on a plane, so laden with metaphor that Shakespeare himself would be jealous. Then we have to strut around with bits of card with words like 'nurture' written on. Once the final decisions are made I'll know more, though with my acting experience (Inn Keeper number 2, spooky train driver, acting as if I know about grammar) I'm confident of stealing the show.

I have to pack for the flight I'm taking this weekend.... think the foliage balances it out? I won't stop until people in St Albans can go to work in shorts and sip drinks with little umbrellas in.

Busking on the Metro

These kids can pay the bills

New Day New Humilation

Part of being allowed to settle in Romania is passing a medical. So this morning I went on my merry way to a clinic. After a very awkward conversation involving gesturing (as most of my conversations do) with a receptionist I was led up five flights of stairs, desperately out of breath demonstrating how badly I need to see a doctor, and sat down in front of TV showing a documentary entitled 'Big Mama'. Unfortunately it was about a fish.

I went in to speak to a doctor that didn't speak English, which could have been a little dangerous. So a translator who spoke a tiny bit more English was wheeled in and we managed to have some tests. My lungs and heart are fine, thank you for asking. However, my blood pressure is actually too low, so I had the unusual advice from a doctor to go and eat some salt. This was fine other than the indignity of standing with my shirt undone, it was truly macabre.

Then it was off for a psychological test. I had to pick numbers out of a jumble in a time limit, it was harder than I thought and I have no idea how it works but I was declared officially mentally stable! Happy days! She asked me about my families mental health, I said no history but thinking of my dad speaking about St. Johns Ambulance I think I may not have told the whole truth. When she said I was mentally ok I laughed, I couldn't help it, her head snapped forward "Are you surprised by this?!" I had images of people waiting outside to storm in and drag me away.

The true humiliation was yet to come. I went down to the basement to have a blood test. I'm fine with needles and having given blood on a few occasions and its no problem, though for a minute or two I tend to feel light headed, it goes quickly and doesn't bother me. I gave the blood and that was fine, three days for results. I felt a bit light headed, fine thats nothing new, but as the nurse explained how to get my results, she asked if I was ok as I looked pale. I said fine and thought a little throw away comment, I just feel a little light headed. Before I know it, she and the assistant grabbed my legs, pulled me forward so only my head and shoulders were on the chair as they held me up by holding my legs above my head. She started to shout "Breath!" I pathetically whimpered, "I was breathing". They dragged me over to the bed and continued to hold my legs up shouting like it was ER. To make it worse there were two beds and the other patient was a fifty year old nun who walked in and got out while I was laying on my back, she gave me a little smile as she strutted out. Laying on my back with a nun in the room is strange, though whats not strange is the humiliation that can only come with a women looking down on you.

Now Now

Despite being scolded by Alice I will continue to post youtube links, as this is fantastic. Sunday was election day for a new parliament. The results are unclear and there are frantic negotiations to form a coalition government. Tensions are running high

uk.youtube.com/watch?v=KBhqzjvSJ2Y

why can't we all just along?

The Big 9-0

Buna bitches. I wish you all a very happy Romania day! Today Romanians celebrate Romania's 90th birthday, the young tykes that they are, as on 1st December 1918, the Romanian lands of Translyvania, Banat, Basarabia and Northern Bucovina were united with the existing Romanian kingdom to form the Romania we know and love today.

It is one of only two (two?!) national holidays so I have enjoyed a day off, though it was marred when I found out that I missed a military parade in the morning. Heres a clip from last years uk.youtube.com/watch?v=mJYVB1a4cm8&feature=related you don't know the meaning of fear until you see the Romanian military. From there you should see a link to a women "booty shaking" in honour of Romania's involvement in World War 2, the wonders of the internet, indeed.

The rest of the day seems to be just putting Romanian flags everywhere, theres hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of the things and I'm wondering where they are stored all year. Romania actually shares its flag with the fine people of Chad, they are the only two countries to have the same flag, that could come in useful in a pub quiz at some point. Though it was Romania's flag first so have that Chad.